I've fallen into this pitfall full of plastic spiders and glow in the dark skeletons

... it's easy to look like a bigshot when you throw down a $100 tip for a $10 meal, the difficult part is making it look GOOD!

I can't believe it, it's October already. Believe it or not, as much as I complain about the area I live in, I just absolutly love the brisk mornings, trees changing color, and the entire holiday of Halloween. There's just something so special and sacred about beating up children who are 1/3 your age and taking a pillow case full of delicious goodies from them. I once though, "you know, I'm saving these kids from cavities and diabetes," but, now I just think, "who was I kidding, I just really like taking their candy."

I got an email today from the Queen of England, oddly enough. She wants me to stop by her pad sometime for a mean game of Tetris. Apparently she has the arcade version with the side-by-side 2-player action. Now, I don't know who this woman thinks she is, but I don't cut a break from ANYONE! And I mean ANYONE! Chuck Norris? No break! Conan O'Brien? No break! John Candy? Well, he has passed, so I'll cut him some slack, but only because John Candy was the man.

Reports are in that gumballs are unsafe for children. The majority of filled center gumballs contain a mixture of 1/2 rat and 1/2 delicious. Unfortunately, it's the delicious that overpowers the poison and that's what keeps the little kids coming back for more.

Reports are also saying (oddly enough, this is the same report), that the Titanic really sunk because someone opened a window that was mistakenly placed on the bottom of the ship. Original ship designs were looking for a glass bottom boat, and the crew working on the ship's construction attached some latches without thinking it through.

Welcome to Fall